Being Defeated, and Defeatist Attitudes

So I am writing this because I know many people experience what it is like to be defeated. In fact, one of the reasons why I am familiar is not only because I coach people, but I often am defeated myself.

No kidding.

You see, my batting average in business deals me about 8 defeats for every 10 prospects I meet. It basically means I have very thick skin. The trouble isn’t the defeat, but it is the defeatist attitude that I want to challenge today.

Now, remember I have spoken to over 500,000 people worldwide and continue on my mission to reach out to more. Will all of them buy my message for self-awareness, wisdom and growth? Probably not, but that’s not really the point. I am going to get my message out there regardless because I know that I have a 20% chance of changing the world.

If you think about it, that’s relatively high!

So, yeah, I am an optimist. I don’t carry defeatist attitudes, because I know that if I do that to myself, I have nothing even if I had everything. The irony is that when I start thinking of what I have lost, I fail to appreciate what I have gotten.

Some people will claim that I am playing with semantics. You’ve lost it, so say it like it is. Well, I have to educate people into realizing that semantics is precisely what your mind works on. The meanings you create are truly the ones that could build you up or break you down. I remember once that I was expected to sign a contract with a particular firm, and all of a sudden, this company contacted me to tell me that their budget had just been frozen. I was expecting about $40,000 to come from this deal, and it was dashed. I had put in a huge amount of effort into this, and it seemed to come to a standstill.

Well, you can take any perspective you want. The truth of the matter is $40k not realized is $40k not earned. I was no different than before. Yet, it seemed to be difficult to cope with at that time. Rather than letting it be a defeat, I chose to look at the bright side and enabled myself to support this prospective client of mine to the best of my ability. If I had a defeatist attitude, I would terminate my relationship with this prospect.

The irony is that sometimes, people just need time. This year, that prospect came back with the budget and the money is still flowing. I have a small win, and I know that it’s through many small wins that we will end up making amazing progress. We will never know what happens through the defeat. In fact, there are some benefits of being able to stand up after a defeat.

  1. People will respect you more. It’s authentic to feel pain, but it’s sweeter when you win after the bitter defeats. Ask any football team!
  2. You treat defeat as a part of your own success. Learning always happens, unless you reject it or are seriously lacking in self-awareness.
  3. You seek to make life better because you know what you don’t want. Isn’t that what Edison did to succeed at making a light bulb?
  4. You appreciate your past successes more, and savor your victories when they happen. This is the power of gratitude that keeps you alive, dust yourself off and make things better for your own future.
  5. You stop being complacent, so that you don’t stop working hard at what you are doing. If you give up and hope things get easier, you are loosening the grip on reality. Get a grip on yourself!
  6. You become self-reliant and learn to craft the results that you want; you will not be fazed by rejection and learn to become a powerful leader. Being defeated isn’t something happening to you. It happens everywhere. So don’t be myopic, and get yourself focused on what you want instead.

Let me know what you think!



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